1. Whoever created woman, really was a misogynist. Why on earth would they decide to give us teenagers, ageing parents and the menopause all at once? I mean, WTF? I worship at the altar of HRT as without it I would be more cray cray than I already am. It is like PMT on steroids. I'm FURIOUS - like, ready to kill because the dog has wandered upstairs and onto our bed, leaving a trail of muddy little paw prints everywhere. The kids haven't tidied their rooms and why WHY have I more laundry to do? Where does it come from? And why does no sock match EVER? Then, in a heartbeat, I just am so teary. Ready to burst into floods just because there are no cookies left in the tin. All I wanted was a cup of tea and that last chocolate chocolate chip. Husband says it is like walking a tightrope living with me. He has been googling menopause symptoms. I think I can get away with anything at the moment - because I just scream - IT'S THE GODDAMN MENOPAUSE at him loudly. Rationally, obviously. My hair is thinner, my face starting to droop, I am so TIRED all the time. More paranoid than a spy, I slink around the house, desperate to just go to bed and sleep forever like some middle aged sleeping beauty who doesn't ever want to be disturbed by any handsome prince. I rang a friend in tears on Sunday and discovered she too had gone to bed as she hated everyone and everyone hated her. She said at least there she wasn't fighting with anyone. I had my womb out in 2016 - I have no periods, so I have no freaking idea if I am peri-menopusal, in the thick of it - or like my mate E - who was told by her doctors that she had gone through it... unknowingly. So this not knowing where the hell I am menopause wise keeps me on my toes. I also forget everything. Who even am I? A few months back I wept as I couldn't find the car keys. I had bundled them up in a T shirt to take upstairs to the laundry basket... Why? Who knows. I am talking and I forget words. What is that stuff to clean your teeth with - tooth thread? Oh yes - floss! Floss! How did I forget that? Because the menopause is the gift that keeps on giving. Just when you think you have your symptoms licked - along comes a new one. Sigh.
2. Last week, I did something I never like doing as a freelancer. I turned down work. The lovely universe was looking out for me as a chance encounter in a pub in my little market town, one Xmas eve, led to the events of last week. I was offered the chance to be in a writer's room (I love them even if they are terrifying) but I happened to know (due to the Xmas eve encounter with people who I have never seen again) that the head writer (who I had never met) was best friends with the only person I would never work with again. And they were likely to be in that room. Literally the only person in TV bar Kelvin MacKenzie that I would rather eat my eyeballs than have to be in a room with for 5 days. So I turned down the opportunity. Because, my sanity is worth more to me than any cash. The older I get the more I realise - work with those you like hanging around with. Creative life is difficult at the best of times, so be as kind to yourself as possible. I felt nothing but relief at saying no and thanking my lucky stars I had made the connection and not turned up in the room to be faced by the toxic fresh hell of that person. Who knows, they may have changed - and it would have been ok - but I take no chances. This year I've been so lucky with all those I have worked with - it has been my most favourit-ist year yet work wise. Gawd bless those who have been my creative team mates... My new rule in life - it is too short to be unhappy. It is too stressful in and of itself. So don't add to it if you can. You don't want to go to that Xmas party but you think you should? SAY NO. Tell them you are washing your hair, or the dog or whatever. No more to people pleasing. I spent decades saying yes to things that I didn't want to do for fear of upsetting people. Now, NO is my new word. Well, if I remember it... (see above).
3. Last night I snuck off to the movies alone to avoid the football. Despite being DESPERATE to see Bones and All - husband miraculously wants to see it too, so I decided to go for 'She Said' the story of Jodi Cantor and Meghan Twohey - two brave New York Times journalists who wrote an article detailing Harvey Weinstein's decades long history of alleged abuse against women. The story that launched the #Metoo movement and brought about the horrific rapist's downfall. It's watchable, upsetting, if no longer shocking (we all know the stories now as the article led to many more women coming forward) and yet...
I noticed at the start that this is a 'Plan B' production - which is owned by Brad Pitt. In it Gwyneth Paltrow is mentioned many times and held up as one of the women who came forward first about Harvey. Paltrow and Pitt are on great terms - she recently interviewed him on her Goop website. But what of Angelina Jolie's bravery in coming forward at the same time? Omitted here. The whole film gave more than whiff of Hollywood patting itself on the back for making a film about the article, when in fact the majority of Hollywood - Pitt included - knew exactly what Harvey was doing and yet stood by... As long as they got the parts and the Oscar buzz - who cared, right? I found it hard to stomach in parts. What of all those who enabled Weinstein? Who continue to enable predators? On a slight tangent - I guess it's ok that a woman is banged up for her connections to Epstein while all those who flew on his Lolita Express just go about their business... If anyone fancies on joining the dots of why fancy lawyers are representing Epstein victims - and ultimately deciding who is to blame for what happened - all the while Maxwell's little black book has mysteriously vanished - and no man has yet been held accountable for what happened to these women - take a little look at House Inhabit on Instagram. I no longer buy into the narrative the media want us to know on stories such as this - when the real story is so much more shocking....
PS Random stuff, I know. It's the MENOPAUSE ok????
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