Well, what the heck was all that about?

Every year I look back over my end of year blog - one of the very few traditions I have kept up since I started this here lil' old blog in 2008. Every year I reflect, try and learn a lesson or two and look hopefully towards the new year about to be ushered in. But I think I have NEVER looked forward to a new year more - than this year and I know folks - I sure as hell aint alone.  I mean WHAT WAS ALL THAT ABOUT??? Answers on a postcard...

In the blink of eye we were all locked down, hidden away, masked up and life as we knew it would perhaps never be the same. So if I didn't learn anything this year - then what pray tell was the point? I could sit here, feet up, glass or mug in hand and rant on about the lunacy of the 'rules' - the 'go to work, do not go to work, do not take public transport but go to work, but work from home' that Matt Lucas parodied so beautifully... I could wang on about the forgotten 3 million self employed who have received nada from the state (a travesty) and I could bitch forever about trips to Castles by cockwomble politicians. But that is too easy and frankly it does a whole year of my life a disservice. 

So things I learnt in 2020: (forgive me if I knew them before, now I know them WELL) 

1. A quiz is brilliant. When I say Tiger King, Stuart McQuitty's quiz and secret wild swimming got me through 2020 I'm not lying. Thank the lord for a bunch of my schoolmates in Belfast who brought me onboard every Tuesday night for a wee quiz. We drank too much, talked until the wee hours and somehow, I didn't feel so alone. Even when Stuart had better things to do - we still attempted Halloween and festive quizzes and honestly, it great craic. Meanwhile my cousin started a Sunday night bingo, which then became various quizzes, a round of 'Mrs and Mrs' and even 'Play Your Cards Right.' His wife's family all joined in and the technical hitches and oldies inability to work zoom just added to the thrill. So grab some mates on zoom/teams, take a turn each week and a whole year will just fly by. 

2. A walk in the woods cures all ills. Perhaps best not to listen to a true-crime podcast though while you are doing so... or by god do you sprint home again in a flash. 

3. I miss hugging. When this is all over - friends, family, hell, strangers - beware -  because IMMA COMING FOR YA. Now there are awkward elbow pumps goodbye and lots of uncomfortable smiles and that awful face (which you also hold while you leave a Zoom meeting) when a HUG does and says so much. 

4. If it looks like a wolf and smells like a wolf and is wearing sheeps clothing - it is still a wolf. Even the nicest person can be a total arsewipe if it serves them better than you. Hard to spot but never forgotten.

5. Empathy is an underrated gift. I have had some truly horrible moments in 2020. In those moments I have had some super lovely empathetic people listen and support. But I have also had those who turned those moments into ALL ABOUT THEM and used it as a way to somehow try and make me feel worse. Hey - I'm on the floor here, so could you like just leave your ego alone... for maybe a second?? In case anyone is confused: empathy is something you do WITH someone, sympathy is something you do TO them. Empathy is trying to really HEAR them and walk in their shoes. It is not saying 'you think that's bad? Wait till I tell you how bad my XYZ was and also how I'm now alright Jack.'  Or 'You think you had it tough, well I did too and yet I'm shining through...' 

6. People can surprise you. Looking at those folk who have gone out of their way to crowd fund for my friend Jaime (see my previous blog post - I mean, I still can't fully comprehend what that family have had to go through) just made my heart sing. You kind, kind folk. I see you and I am so grateful. It's humbling. 

7. Thank god we had a small respite in the summer. A trip to Ireland, Stuart's quiz IN THE FLESH!! ( I was in fact his first human contact after lockdown. Sorry Stu but I love you and I needed that hug) and a wonderful week in York just about saved my head. I was in the sea in Yorkshire and I looked up at the sky and thought - as long as I can get in cold water, it will all be ok. I am so grateful I have a friend like Katy R - who is as insane as me and thinks 5.8 degree swimming is a LOT of fun. We may have been told off for illegal swimming in November by a fisherman who was a bit 'I Know What You Did Last Summer' (I was waiting for the hook to appear) and warned that we were about to face death by 'giant catfish' - but it was worth it! 

8. To all those who checked in on me in 2020 I love you - because as an extrovert - being locked up/down whatever - without the ability to throw the MOTHER of all Halloween parties as I had planned - it was a hard year.... So thank YOU. I will be making Halloween 2021 UNFORGETTABLE. Be warned. 

9. How little we need eh? Turns out the fancy clothes all just gather dust as we don't get out any more... Not that I did that much anyway. For me the thing I missed most was the cinema... But since it has reopened I feel a sense of total freedom. I'm also so pleased college continued - in the FLESH; that connection with people every week was/is such a joy. But my goodness, next year I'm going to have a party the minute I can. For no reason. Just because we can - and that my friends, is a good enough reason. My lychee martinis await you all. Also beware, one Mum needed carried into a cab after a sesh on those martinis at mine - but I promise you, is worth the vom fest. 

10. It's ok if folk airbrush you from someone's life at a funeral. You know what you meant to the person that died and that is all that matters. Don't wait for others to validate you - or you will be waiting a long, long, time. 

Finally, I learned this year that the phrase 'self-care' - which hitherto had made me want to vomit  - now is my touchstone. Be nice to yourself - you deserve it  - you lovely person you. So have that bath, read that book, veg on the sofa, buy the shoes, kiss that boy, send that text. Don't fecking delay DO IT NOW. Why? Because life can change on a dime so if you don't now, then when? 

Go boldly in 2021 - it WILL get better. We've been through the worst I hope (don't mention Brexit). Remember you can't control what others do - only your reaction to it. Do your best. Love your hardest. Never give up.

I'm right with you. Love CM x

The worst news of 2020...

Let's face it 2020 has been a total shit show hasn't it? I mean there isn't a person alive who hasn't been effected in some way by the pandemic. However, there is one person has had the hardest year and shown the most resilience out of anyone I know, or have heard about.

His name is Jaime and he is a Dad of two beautiful kids. His partner Caroline also happens to be one of my closest friends from school. I met her when we were both 11. She had a longer fringe than her school skirt, the most beautiful face and a tan from a summer holiday in Spain. We bonded over our love of Prince and she still wears so much fake tan we call her 'The Mexican.' (Forgive me if that isn't PC). No one takes the piss out of me more, or better than she. For example she managed to get me to buy the WORST xmas jumper I have ever seen - let alone worn in my life - I was hungover by the way - and she photographed me in it and spread it all over facebook. I took it back of course but the damage was done. She tells me I have to die before her because she has my funeral card all planned with enough embarrassing photos to paper the wall of china. 

Anyway, this year Jaime, wanting to enjoy the sport he loves and get some exercise in the middle of lockdown 1 - went for a bike ride on Ilkley Moor. He walked out the door and he sadly wasn't able to walk back in again. A tragic accident - simply hitting a stone and flying over his handlebars - left him with life changing injuries.  He is paralysed from the chest down. It's the kind of story you hear about someone in the news, but you never think it will happen to you. Or you will know anyone who has to go through it. 

Here is their story and footage of that fateful bike ride.

Jaime now spends 16-17 hours a day in one room, where he eats, sleeps, has his commode and all his physio. This is a photo of him in it -

Jaime has shown such bravery and strength it is beyond humbling. But the facts remain: the house the family have had to move into - is not adapted for a wheelchair. They have had to leave their beloved home and at present Caroline has no room to sleep in. Funding has dropped off a cliff and nothing is available - despite them spending months researching all charitable grants etc. The council have said they will have to wait 6 months before he is even assessed, let alone them helping. The whole family has been psychologically scarred by the whole trauma and the absence of a home where they can live functionally together, in this new unasked for life - makes everything deeply difficult in what already is a difficult adjustment.

This story could be mine. It could be yours.  We are all just a car crash, a diagnosis, an unexpected phone call, a newfound love, or a broken heart away from becoming a completely different person. 

So I ask - if you have ever read a single blog of mine - and it made you laugh - or cry and or think 'what a dick' then could help in any way?  This is the crowdfunding link where Jaime needs your help.

I thank you all. Jaime and Car are the best of people and they deserve to have a life together after all they have been through. Please lets make that happen. x