Saturday, 31 December 2011

Hello to 2012

So farewell to 2011.

A lot of folk I know won't be sad to see the back of such a difficult year. I only know of a handful of folk who have found this year to be a vintage one - the rest of us muddled through and tried desperately to economise and keep the wolf from the door - I for one am delighted to welcome in 2012 and wave a hasty goodbye to 2011. Not that anything bad happened - and it was great to spend time with my kids in years I'll never get back - but I struggled within myself, worried about how to juggle the whole 'me' thing - and still be a great Mother. I'm intending to give myself a break next year - I'm the best Mother I can be - and that is good enough. Now it is time to get the 'me' back... Let's see what happens.

I have a really good feeling about next year, tomorrow. No idea why - not basing it on anything in particular. Just a feeling of 'out with the old and in with the new' and welcoming what is to come. I feel excited, this year has potential.

My resolutions - or rather, my hopes for the year:

1. To run a 10k in the spring. Maybe late spring. But some time this year. Hopefully not to injure my ankle in the process. God that is a lot of red faced sweating and huffing and puffing. BRING IT ON!

2. To enjoy the moment more, to worry less about what is happening next and just go with the flow - I am exactly where I am meant to be right now - and I'm happy with that.

3. To not care what anyone else thinks. And anyone who judges me - to eradicate them from my life.

That is all, pretty much. My aim with the whole running malarkey is because I remember how damn good my lungs felt when I pounded along the canal, all the blood rushing around my body. My circulation has always been that of a 90 year old woman - Husband complains nightly of my ice like feet clamped against his legs for warmth. So it is time to DRINK MORE WATER - (have been swearing that for the last ten years at least) and get the blood rushing around. I know I'll be starting from scratch again - but it is amazing how quickly the body responds to exercise.

Maybe this coming year I'll sort out once and for all job wise what I want to do... I know what I DON'T want to do - so that is a start. I've got itchy feet that's for sure. Husband and I are talking about how many years we have left in this house... I really feel ready for change - which is something I normally fear.

So to you all - I hope you have a swell new year's eve (hate the day if I am honest - all that need to have a great time - why?) and a brilliant 2012. Let's hope it is memorable, for all the right reasons.

And to all you lovely commenters and regular readers - thanks for sharing. Keep on sharing!

Love Suzanne (CM) x

Friday, 23 December 2011

Yultide cheer

So it's that time of year again. Stress, family squabbles, overspending, overeating and feeling like it just didn't quite live up to your rose tinted expectations.

But not this year! Nope. We have negated all stress by going out for Xmas dinner to the lovely Orrery on Marylebone High Street in London for 7 courses (memo to self - wear loose clothing - kinda Joey from Friend's Xmas day outfit) and a skinful of wine. We are taking my Mum and are also joining one of my oldest buddies in life, his wife and Mum. It should be great. I did all my shopping on-line and everything arrived in time! Hurrah! And I managed not to overspend (and luckily got some freelance work just before Xmas that paid for the lot). Husband and I aren't buying each other gifts this year because I am not earning - now those 3 weeks of work have finished) so technically he would have to give me the money to buy it. And also you know, I don't want anything. Maybe an address book and some rose oil bath lotion, or some of those lindor chocs. But in all honesty I'm pretty stoked with what I have - so don't need stuff to make it special.

Sproglet watched The Grinch this week - a family favourite at this time of year (just behind Elf on the Xmas must see list) and then that night as I tucked him in, I said 'what if Santa misses our house?' Sproget said 'It doesn't matter Mummy. It doesn't. Christmas isn't about presents, it's about having fun.' Gawd bless him. In saying that if Santa did forget to drop by he would be beyond gutted. As crap as it sounds I'm just happy to have some fab home made mulled wine that Husband will rustle up, watch my kids play together and eat some fabulous food. That is enough for me. My Mum is so excited and all the old ghosts of the past beween us are long buried - so now we can just relax and enjoy each other's company. I feel pretty darn lucky. I have a great feeling about 2012 - don't now why... maybe because it is my last year in my 30s!!!!!! I just think a lot of folk I know had a hard 2011 - and next year is sure to be better.

My plan in a few years is to take my kids volunteering on xmas day - so they can see how freakin' lucky they are to have families, and toys, and shelter and love when others have so little. Xmas is such a hard time of year for so many people - it breaks my heart to think of an old person alone all day, with no one to talk to. Or a parent who wishes they could give their kids some gifts... or even a home. it really is a time to be grateful for what we have. Ok, I'll get off my soapbox...

So, to you all - my lovely readers, I wish you a wonderful Xmas - I hope Santa is good to you and that your local store still has mince pies (as mine does not!!!). Here's to a memorable 2012.

Much love and hugs

CM xxx

Tuesday, 20 December 2011

Caroline Flack I salute you

I've resisted the urge to jump on the bandwagon and cast judgement on the relationship of Caroline Flack 32, TV presenter and Harry Styles 17, Boyband member. But I can resist no longer. Caroline I salute you!

Here are some photos for those of you not familiar with the jobbing TV presenter of the X Factor after show on ITV2 (who I think has a great dirty laugh and can do the job a treat - something her co-presenter Olly Murs cannot) and the typical boyband fare that the X factor spawned -

Now Harry - he aint my type. Too much coiffed hair and arrogant flick of said hair - but I know rather a lot of women my age who fancied him when he warbled on the X Factor last year and came 3rd. But what I support is that even if he is 17 - he is in a band - they tour, they don't exactly sit down for dinner while Dad reads the paper - and he clearly is a bit more worldly than most 17 year old boys. Scrap that - just show me a 17 year old boy that WOULDN'T want to shag Caroline Flack? Exactly. I once dated a 17 year old when I was 27. It was blissful. I mean, we didn't put the world to rights or talk about the economic situation of the time - but for some friskiness with no strings he was perfect. He also told me he was 20, as he looked 20 and was very tall. But he was 17. Bless. Anyway, I wasn't planning on having an in depth relationship with him - I didn't dream of aisles and frocks and babies on my hip. So as long as Caro doesn't expect any meaningful commitment - then what's the problem? I mean he is 17. He is in a band. Do you really think he'll be her 'the one?' I doubt it - but maybe she - like I did - wasn't interested in 'The one.' Instead, she just wants some great sex. I say you go girl!

I also say this because I was out with a group of women on Fri night and I got chatting to a group of well bred stallion types next to me. They were all about 19/21 age group. I asked one if they had gone to the posh collegiate school in my town - and naturally they had. They asked how I knew this and I explained it was all in the jaw. Posh types - strong jaws, well bred bone structure - and a healthy glow, like they've been raised on calves who only eat chocolate and milk. Now one of the women in the group was mightily uncomfortable with my chatter - which is fair enough as I did tell the uber handsome one that he could be in the band that old Harry is in above... But this woman was deeply uncomfortable - to the point I stopped yakking to said stallion boys. Turns out she likes older men - she is 40 and likes 50 + year olds as they make her feel younger. I am at the opposite end of that scale - as the thought of gassing to some beer bellied bald bloke all evening about banking does not thrill me one jot. I am sorry, but I think my 'attracted to' button stopped when I was 17. I only am attracted to younger men. There, I said it. I'm no paedo - by younger I mean 20 and up... Is that wrong? That I could have birthed them when I was 18? Eeek. Now I do feel old...

My Husband is younger - by 4 years and looks pretty youthful. My Father always looked much younger than he was. I don't know, I first fell in love at 17... Maybe I'm trapped in the mind of a 17 year old... And before you chastise me - Husband and I think it is wildly healthy to be attracted to other people - but obviously we don't act on this. We're loyal, we believe in vows etc. But does that mean I do not wish I could have one night of passion with such veal fed young men? (and it would be all night at their age). Does it heck! Not that I would ever do that... But that you see is why I support Caroline in her fling. Young girls entice older richer men all the time and not a word is said. 52 year old actor from The Green Mile (what is his name?) and his 16 year old bride, Bill Wyman and his bride Mandy Smith, any man over 60 who has just 'fathered a child,' AND there is 17 years between these two - the exact same years between Dustin Hoffman and his wife, Donald Trump and Marla Maples, (now 24 between Donald and his latest squeeze) Jerry Seinfield and his wife... and 25 between Bogie and Bacall... and that is nothing compared to the 35 years between Woody Allen and Soon-Yi Previn. So don't get me started on the one rule for one sex and one for another malarkey....

At the end of the day - what harm are they doing? A few jealous older women getting their knickers in a knot because of the age gap - bitter because the last time their husbands shagged them X factor wasn't even on telly. Give over Ladies and let them have their fun. The day Kerry Katona slags off your relationship, you know you are doing something right.

Wednesday, 7 December 2011

Is it Xmas time or something?

So yesterday The Diva (aka Sproglette) was 1. Yep a whole year has gone by since I waited a whole day and got bumped 5 times to have my C section from which she appeared.

Here is how she felt about her b'day:

Just a bundle of joy. She was grumpy all morning, howled in Waitrose, caused an old lasy to recoil when she glared at her in the trolley and moaned all through her cake and semi-party. She liked her toys though. Particularly anything she could be violent with - hammering pegs was a real hit. (No pun intended).

Anyway, I am struggling to my head around the fact a year has gone passed since I spogged and still don't quite know what I am going to do work wise. But it is nice to relax into Xmas (if one can relax into the whole nightmare lead up to the BIG DAY) and not really have to give a feck. If I get a wobbly moment where I wonder where my life is going, I just stuff a mince pie down my neck with more cream than you could hake a stick at - and voila! I am fine.

Some of my old script ed buddies have started to have babies - so I am watching to see how they juggle telly work and motherhood. They all used to marvel at me working on the same show as them - me with a toddler and Husband who did crazy hours. Maybe they'll inspire me - who knows. To be honest though - I am really digging some time with my kids. It all is going by so fast - so to take some time with these little people feels right. They'll be grown up and slagging me off to their Uni mates before I know it.

Anyway - enough of that, there is Xmas stress to be had people! I try to get cool gifts I really do, but after three hours flicking through seven shops on line and debating how much to spend, and blue or red? And have they got that? And, does that look cheap - oh maybe because it is cheap... I end up at M&S and buy everything in one swoop. Then I beat myself up over - will they like it?

Real Tree or not real tree? That is the question. I am going real tree - but where is the time to get the thing, get the decs out and realise that your tree screams 'gay man trapped in a woman's body!' Think we'll be doing the deed on Sunday. Saturday - it is much more important to introduce Sproglet and his chum to Scorsese - not through Raging Bull or Goodfellas - no, Hugo. Hoping it will be wicked.

We are off out on Xmas day for grub at fancy schmancy 'The Orerry' in London. Hurrah! No idea how we will entertain a one year old during the seven courses - but that is what cough syrup is for isn't it? Only joking... brandy in the bottle... JOKE!

I just don't feel all festive yet - so in a bid to do so, I'm getting my best mate and her Mum over next week for mulled wine, mince pies (and cream of course) and 'It's a Wonderful Life.' If that don't get me in the spirit - nothing will.