It's all a bit of a blur isn't it?
Are we in 2020, or 2021? Delta or Omicron? Lockdown or 'don't go to work, but DO go to NYE parties?' Will this fecking pandemic ever end?
I'm now super-immunised after covid last xmas (thank you delta); 2 jabs, a booster and 5 days later - boom! Omicron. It only lasted a day symptom wise - a few aches, a headache, but an underlying lung infection (my third this giving winter) required steroids - which today, I finished and I'm feeling much more my old self again. Hurrah! So I thought I'd take a trip across 2021 to see what pearls of wisdom I discovered this year and what I'm hoping for in 2022. Crickey 2022, it seems but a heartbeat ago we were ushering in the millennium.
1. A quick gander across my photos of the year shows me that clearly the most important member of my family is my dog. 80% of all the pics were of his sweet soulful face and silky ears. It seems all I did all year was walk a dog and get in icy water. There was a particularly vicious ankle injury on St. Paddy's day - but sadly I was sober and yes, you guessed it, on a dog walk. The moral of this - look where you are going and it pays occasionally to look down - those little potholes on country lanes are just waiting to get you...
2. Talking of that icy water - nothing gave me greater pleasure than getting in. Ok that's a lie. Nothing gave me more pleasure than 25 seconds AFTER I had got in that freezing lake. For the first 25 the pain - THE PAIN - dear god - in my elbows, around the nape of my neck and oddly my shoulders, was like I was on fire. Then all of a sudden - nothing. Just bliss. Just swimming along, in awe of the fact that it was 0.6 degrees on Valentine's day. Well, what says romance more than being shouted at by a scary fisherman warning of impending death by catfish?
3. Reading this week about an interview with CBBC presenter Sarah Jane Honeywell who lost her job at the BBC for daring ten years ago to strip naked for a PTEA, I was struck at how she turned a really difficult time in her life into something positive. She said 'I'm so grateful though and I now know - even when life doesn't go the way you want it, things can turn out better than you wished for anyway.' Which is perhaps the greatest lesson in life to learn. The failures, the mistakes - those are where we learn - not from our roaring successes. Also, these champagne moments are but just that - mere moments - so if we don't celebrate and enjoy the struggle to get there, then what's the point?
She also added 'You are not your salary or even where you live. You are not what other people think of you.... You are you and to be alive means everything.' I couldn't agree more. The older I get I see how we all surround ourselves with 'stuff' to make us feel safe, to feel seen, to feel valued, to feel 'successful.' I read of a retreat where folk go and ask a single question all weekend: who am I? They begin with their job, marital status, if they have family, where they live, their hobbies, their achievements, but as they strip them all away - who really are they? A head-fry for sure, but really all the 'stuff' is just fancy window dressing. Don't be afraid to do a bit of an internal closet clear out - and what you find may not be pretty. But letting go of old scripts in your head that do not serve you; being fallible; being unafraid to take a new path - may not be easy, but, trust me, so worth it.
4. All I am hoping for in 2022 is health and more life experiences. My new rule is for every item of clothing I buy - I'll sell/give away something else. I'm all about simplicity this year. Less is more. Looking through this year's photos again - my best days were those with friends or family, sunshine, sea, lakes or country lanes... My swim buddy KR is all about the mini-break. She believes the way forward in life is simply to have as many mini-breaks as possible. This year I had several - including a girls' night in London in October - and I have to say - they are my new favourite thing. Holidays can drag. Family tensions can rise up after sharing an apartment for a week - but a mini-break? No time to get grouchy! No time to feel on day 4 that you can't face the buffet breakfast again or having to make small talk with the people by the pool for the 7th day in a row... 48 hours people is all you need!
5. This year I have had to volunteer as part of my degree - 100 hours of my time no less. Its a bit of a gift to help others empower themselves. You get to see (forgive me for getting all Carl Rogers over here) that giving people autonomy, a safe space in which to talk, to feel free of judgement and showing them unconditional positive regard - changes them. What I think surprised me more, is that has changed me too. The biggest gift of this year was realising - really getting - that I can't control anything pretty much or anyone. Just my reactions to things. God I wish I'd known that at 25. I'd have saved myself an awful lot of energy caring about what others think.
6. Life can change on a dime - so there is no time to waste! Do everything you want to. Today. Don't find excuses. Dare yourself. Be bold. Go on!
The other day a friend posted a pic on Facebook of a plane she had taken across the barrier reef - and 3 days later the same plane crashed killing one person and giving life changing injuries to the rest onboard. Below are photos of the bravest family I know - J, C and kids - who had their whole lives upturned in a matter of seconds, when J crashed his bike. Their lives have never been the same - but the resilience, the determination, the sheer strength of getting through this - is a testimony to what incredible people they are. Donate here if you can - as they continue to battle for help from the already stretched to breaking point NHS - and every penny raised goes towards helping them all live as a family and Jaime continue his journey to regaining more sensation in his legs.
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6. Roll on summer. My happy place: Rathmullan. This year we were blessed with weather that was quite frankly - unbelievable. Normally you can't see your hand in front of you for the rain - but in 2021, the weather gods did shine upon us and grant us an insane amount of sunshine. Such a highlight. Bar the bastard jellyfish who stung me on day 2. (As an aside I am never not going on a mini-break without JM - who has a Mary Poppins stylee bag, whereupon she will bring out ANYTHING you request. Hairband? Plasters? Sting medicine? How about a full size beach blanket folded into a bag the size of a hankie? Oh and she had a 'whole rake of wine' in her room. I mean, if Carlsberg did holiday buddies....).
7. My last year of my 40s - HOLY SHIT. But you know, I'm lucky to be here. I'll be seeing in a new year with my family over a particularly vicious game of Bullshit/Kids against maturity/Uno. I'm grateful for all the experiences of 2021 - even lockdown in Jan/Feb (although I remember virtually none of it). The 3 birthday cakes before 9am on my birthday, the dinners and the drinks and the sunshine and even the moments of unbearable sadness. Loss is all around us. Borrowing from 'Inside Out' - it is ok to be sad. I think sitting with sadness is another of my life lessons this year. It means that you loved...
There were lots of work highs - but it's funny, the highs don't last as long, with the bonus, neither do the lows. I'm lucky to have worked with the nicest folk - and been able to row my own boat - rather than dancing around trying to please producers who have no idea what they want - and it has been revelatory. Writing should be joyful, it should be fun. This year, it really was.
8. Final thought of the year. Show up. Make the effort. Letting someone know you are there for them, that you care, that you value them - well, that's really what its all about isn't it folks? So all that remains is for me, is to wish you all a happy, healthy, warm and wonderful 2022. Who knows what the tide will bring in... That's the fun of it eh?
Love always CM xx
