Tuesday, 13 May 2014

Things I have learnt this week part 3

Things I have learnt this week in no particular order:

1. When your son has his bedroom floor painted, no amount of telling your children 'do not walk on it' will make a pick of difference. When the urgency of getting 'my toy car on the desk' is so great for your 3rd year old, the floor could be aflame and she would still cross it.

2. People without children, generally are having a better time than you - and if you really thought about it - all that disposable income and free time - you would agree. But unless you say otherwise, people mistakenly believe this constitutes you saying 'I don't love my children' - which of course is nonsense.

3. You can run further than you think. The key is to go slow.

4. You can run further than you think, but would do so better if there weren't so many folk with scary snappy dogs who race towards your ankles like they are giant bone to be chewed upon.

5. If people plan a gathering, and then you tell them 'I can't do that date,' but they carry on with the gathering, then they clearly didn't give a fuck if you attended or not.

6. Baking a cake looks easy. It isn't. It is at least half an hour of measuring, an hour of sweeping up sugar granules that cascade everywhere, with buttery fingers, half an hour of stress as will it/won't it rise, and then at LEAST an hour of cooling. Or else, I fear the jam will slide off along with the top part of the cake and that buttercream icing so lovingly crafted - will in fact just become runny butter again. After all that stress it will still end up looking like your 3 year old baked it: (NEVER AGAIN).

7. Two martinis is plenty on a school night. No really, it is. And that blog your wrote after 2 - proves this point entirely. Thank god I never hit 'publish.'

8. Everyone knows everyone else. A friend will call and tell you they know through work another mother who lives in your town. Another will know someone else because they worked together ten years ago etc etc. Everyone knows everything. TELL NO ONE anything. Or else, like me, tell the whole world on a blog and then no one gives a rat's ass.

9. No, May arriving does not mean that summer is here. Just as you thought it was safe to bear your cankles, forget it! Get that brolly at the ready - summer isn't here. Nor, in true British fashion - will it ever be. Dry your eyes or book a one way ticket outta here.

10. That life without a box set to watch is a a truly lonely one. Since True Detective ended I have been a touch lost. Time for House of Cards methinks. Otherwise Husband and I would have to have a conversation - and there where would we be?


1 comment:

AG said...

This is so true, it's May and I have the heating on again. The weather has no idea what it's doing. And life has definitely felt like it has something missing since I finished Breaking Bad. I need something new to occupy my evenings.