Saturday, 17 May 2008

Chuck Bass

Fluffy, vacuous, shallow, tedious and insipid. Gossip Girl has little going for it. Woolly plots, cliched characters and stilted dialogue. But my god it has a secret weapon in the name of Chuck Bass. Ed Westwick, a young lad from Stevenage has taken over American TV, infiltrated every gossip column and crept into my fantasies. He is delicious. Boy flesh at it's juicy best. I am a married mother of one and yet - I can dream can't I? That Chuck throws off his bow tie, loosens his braces and envelopes my neck in a priceless diamond necklace (he did this to ice queen Blair on Thursday night.... bitch) and then I abandon all sense of self and move into his Father's penthouse suite and basically own New York. Lovely. Why Blair only turned to Chuck after wimpy poster boy Nate ditched her is beyond me - I would have dumped the all American bore for the verbal wit of Chuck with one cock of his... eyebrow. I know this posting is wrong on so many levels and readers, I apologise. Trust me - in the books (a guilty pleasure for a woman who is teen obsessed) Chuck Bass is a fat obnoxious arrogant wanker who needs a lesson in both manners and style. In the TV show whilst he remains arrogant, aloof and utterly obnoxious - he is dashingly charming to boot.

The show is faker than a hair extension and has about as much depth, but when Serena Van whatsit shakes her mane and strides off with dull Dan and his bland sister, the screen fizzes to life with bitchy Blair and her male counterpart - Chuck. Thank God for him. TV is so dull at the moment that my Sky+ box is empty - save for my Gossip Girl addiction. It is meant to be the new SATC (Sex and the City) but SATC movie is the new SATC - and the fashion in GG is questionable, which makes the comparisons completely premature. I won't even go into the whole issue that SATC had fabulous plots, genius writers and characters we cared about - all of which GG lacks. GG isn't the new anything - it is a re-hash of the OC and all other high school American over sincere fare - it hasn't an original scene in any episode. But it does have Chuck Bass. For that reason alone I won't be missing a single episode. Have you not seen him yet? All furrowed brow and cat eyes with a splash of Josh Harnett and the sexiest voice since Willam Dafoe. ITV2 Thursdays - go on, treat yourself. You deserve it. But hands off Ladies - I saw him first!

4 comments:

Rt100VT said...

First, I had to Google Chuck Bass. But then your post caused me to reminisce to my old bartending days of my early twenties.
Back, when I was a king. How I ever made it to be as old as I am is just a miracle.
A miracle I tell you.

The Girl Who said...

"Boy flesh at its juicy best." Oh my. You crack me up. I've yet to catch an episode of Gossip Girl, not sure why but this one didn't sucker me in like its predecessor, The OC, did. God did I love The OC. Thank you so much for donating and whipping something up at the last second!

Keenie Beanie said...

I know I'm getting old since many of my fantasy crushes are over 35 and I tried, oh I tried, to get into the 90210 redux and just. couldn't. do it. Have missed the boat on GG as well, but am off to google Chuck Bass...

Daycare Lady said...

I personally love your vacuous post. Had no idea who Chuck Bass was before I read this, but the way you write about him makes him sound so yummy I think I want him too!