Wednesday, 14 October 2009

Where did all the nice guys go?

Seriously, where are they all hiding? On another fucking planet? Have they been snapped up already? Or is this species extinct? Was I lucky enough to catch one of a dying breed? I ask because in the last week two very dear friends of mine have been messed about, or rather, shat on from a great height by two absolute wankers who came dressed as nice guys, with good teeth, full of promise.

These charlatans led my friends down a merry path, strewn with great sex, declarations of love, firm friendship and a never ending stream of texts. They buoyed up my fragile chums' egos - led them to a place where they felt comfortable, where they let down their self-preservation barriers and then WHAM! Like the scene in Chitty Chitty Bang Bang where the child catcher drops the props from his colourful all singing all dancing sweetie cart to reveal a cold hard steel cage - they dropped the Mr 'take me home to meet your Mother I am that good' act and became complete bastards.

One guy works with my friend - so he completely abused his position of power - strung her along and then meekly announced he had fallen hard. For another girl. He expected them still to carry on as friends with benefits! My friend declined - to his surprise. SURPRISE!! Now she is far from stupid. A keen traveller, there aren't many species of man that she hasn't encountered - and she has a fairly good bullshit detector. Yet she fell for him and is still puzzled how they can be so perfect and have such a ball together and yet... what he clearly wants is to have his ego pumped by a 22 year old with an IQ lower than a dead frog and fake tits.

My other friend - a mate from work - had gone much further down the path - set up home, built a life, were preparing to have a family. That far. I liked this guy - he seemed beyond smitten and made her so happy. There were niggles that appeared about a year into their relationship which I tried to ignore - but more and more his veneer slipped to show a narcissistic control freak just below the surface. I must admit, even then, the flashes were so short and so sporadic, I too was conned by him. But now he has thrown off his cloak and revealed his true colours - and he is one cold, cruel **** (please place the other C word here). The only saving grace is that he is so vile, that it makes it so much easier for her to walk away.

I've known a few assholes in my time: the boy who lived on a boat who dumped me because he said and I quote, "You personality is too much for me." He was right - I had one, he didn't. The horror film director who invited me on a date, made canapes and called me a 'little Nazi girl' and asked me if I would let John Malkovich (his latest leading actor) sodomise me. Nice. Yes, it was the one and only date we went on. There was the the other director I dated who said he would call me. He did. Two years later. The boy who would sleep with me, then pace the room in horror at the deed he had just done, flirt mercilessly and then act like I was a stalker. Boy he fried my head. The list goes on. But thankfully I have a happy ending (so far). But I certainly kissed a few frogs in my time. Thing is, I wish my mates would stop meeting such toads.

They are hot, funny, switched on, lively, warm amazing women - catches both of them. Thing is, they are out in the whole dating pool again, while most of their mates are settled down with a partner, sprogs whose idea of a wild night involves doritos and the X factor. It aint easy. Available guys are either commitment-phobes who channel the inner Clooney; divorced with rug rats chomping on their heels and an ex wife chomping on their wallet or freaks who have been sitting on the shelf so long they have developed twitches and a need to propose on date 3.

I wish it was the days of our 20s when we had 'trash or treasure' parties, where each gal would bring a male mate - what is one girl's trash, may be another's treasure (I never got one date from any of those nights sadly - although everyone else seemed to). How does one date in the age where you can be rejected about 50 different ways (not calling/texting/replying on facebook/deleting you from facebook/not replying to tweets/rebounding emails etc etc)? How does one even get a date these days? Having been that single girl for 6 long years - where I made dating a fucking art - I am lost in this high tech age. I have no words of wisdom, I can just buy good wine and even better cake and sympathise, give hugs and remind them how special they are.

But still I ask you, where did all the nice guys go?

1 comment:

EDW said...

I feel the same way, and I have no advice! I've been married for ten years - what do I know?