Twitter ye not

I just don't get it.

Sorry. As you can see from the little button to the right - I have signed up with Twitter. Why? Because, well, I am trying to attract folk to my scribblings on this here blog and another blogger told me it was the way to go. So, I did. But it is e-x-h-a-u-s-t-i-n-g. Oh the PRESSURE to be FUNNY. All the time. Every few minutes - here ya go - another side splitter/wise and sarky/obtuse and interesting/ debate starting comment from moi. Also - it is PC in Twitter land to follow those that follow you. Which is cool - as some are indeed funny. Some however, are not. At all. Do I want to know you had beans for tea and the kids are still up past 9pm? That you painted a wart with nail varnish or your bikini wax went wrong? No. And these folk - well they don't fart without letting you know about it. I think that mid shag, they'd even have one hand on the keyboard...

Then there are the career Twitter-ers. The ones who are journos and spend their lives at a keyboard, so twitter what they are writing, how they like other folks writing, what we should be writing about and all kinds of entertaining lines in under 160 characters - which I think is an art in itself. These journo types feel like a Twitter 'in' club - one that only Guardian/Times/Grazia writers can join. Then there are the selebs... who have something to plug or just inane crap to spout. I get it, if you do indeed have wares to trade - fair enough, it is just another marketing tool. Then there are apparently the Twitter hiders, who only come out to play to read banter that swings back and forth between the career Twitter-ers when X Factor is on (or the like. Having never watched a single ep of TOWIE I don't have a clue who most selebs these day are). I can't help feeling that it is incredibly smug and narcissistic to think that what you have to say is really that thrilling that it needs updating every day/hour/minute. Which, is rich here with me the pot calling them the kettle... But my blog is really just a venting place - rather than a place to show off *waves madly - look at me*.

It takes a while to get the lingo, understand the 'rules' and to enjoy it. I am still waiting for that to happen. Often Tweets are merely replies to some other tweet which is pretty confusing if you haven't read the thread of the convo - mind you I am sure there is a way to do this - but being such a Twitter virgin I have yet to work out how to get to that base. Sure Stephen Fry is funny, and Catlin Moran is always worth following - but by and large it is full of waffle. Clearly I am missing something as it has millions of Tweeters and most internet savvy folk Tweet like their lives depended on it. Facebook feels like it has more room to communicate - whereas Twitter is 160 or broke. Less 'here are my holiday pics' and more 'this is my hilarious opinion on Piers Morgan' or in seleb land 'I just want to come across as all caring-like, so I'm gutted to hear that XYZ died yesterday...'

Will I stick with it? Doubt I'll ever get to the 'I Twitter therefore I am' stage - but I feel to dip out now would be dropping at the first hurdle. Deep down, I don't think it is for me - the technophobe. Frankly, it feels like hard work. Plus, I don't think I can scroll through a hundred posts of 'Husband did the washing today - Miracles!!!' before I come across a gem worth reading. * Pops over to Twitter in time to see my 24 followers feck off*