God Save... ME

God these bank holidays just go on and on - don't they? Which is fone and dandy whne the sun splits the skies and everyone is jolly and waving bbq'd sausages around and sipping Pimms in the sunshine.

But two kids literally bouncing off the walls/cupboards/sofas, plus a rainy skies and two frazzled parents just equals STRESS. Plus to be honest - all this Royal worshiping - well I could cope just about when there was a wedding; at least then there was a frock to gawp at - but when it is just the old dear trying to raise a smile looking like someone just broke wind under her wrinkled nose - well I am sorry, it all feels like a ho-ha over nothing. Also - I grew up in Norn Ireland - where red white and blue symbolised the unionists' stand against a 'united' Ireland. Bunting and painted kerbs was designed to mark out territory - a warning to those who might step over the threshhold - it wasn't quite the rah rah of the English villages with their cupcakes and tea. Frankly I find the Royals overpaid and obsolete. Who cares what drippy Kate is wearing? She wears those awful shiny tights and heels that are for 60 year olds... And as for those ugly stepsisters - I mean Fergie's spawn - exactly what are they bringing to this country? Oh sure, a whole flock of tourists have jetted in to celebrate their Hobbs Lady style and horrendous hats. God they make me bitchy....Off with their heads! I couldn't give a monkeys about the Diamond jubilee - and with this country and the grip of a depression - I wish the money wasted on such 'spectaculars' was put into local creches, education, the NHS etc etc - rather than a concert filled with mediocre pop stars serenading a woman who has never heard of them.

Ok, I shall climb down now from my soapbox. You Yanks watching should count yourselves lucky. If I had had any money in the pot I would have hightailed it over to your neck of the woods for this long long LONG weekend. If Bill Murray and a furry groundhog appeared I swear I wouldn't be shocked. Is it Sunday today? Has felt like Sunday for about five days. I am actually excited about returning to work on Wednesday. Yes I am. I have a tea party on Tuesday which should be good, as folk going like a tipple instead of tea (although I have given up alcohol at the moment so I shall just wolf down the cakes instead). Best bit of the weekend was taking Sproglet to an open air production of Roald Dahl's The Twits - which was hilarious. We all sat on rugs and munched picnics and sipped fizz - even through the inevitable rain (makes a proper picnic I always feel - when you stoicly pull up your hood and grin even though water is trickling off your nose 'we are HAVING SUCH a good time') and tried to persuade the birds not to land on the glued tree branches. Sproglet was enraptured - he particularly liked when Mr Twit walked amongst the audience and spat out chips. Husband, having never read The Twits had absolutely no idea what was going on - but smiled in all the right places. I think sinking a bottle of red helped with that smiling. The production was held within the castle ruins in our village - which had the sun shone, would have been the most beautiful setting. It still was beautiful, if somewhat soggy.

Today there is some form of party in our high street - and the heavens have just opened - hurrah! Let's all wave our flags and be jolly. Feck me, roll on Wednesday. Not even cupcakes and a pint of tea will raise any party spirit in me. See you on the other side.