He's just not that into you...

... is what I want to say to my dear friend. To stop her wasting a single nanosecond more on this cockhead loser who is dicking her around.

But I don't. Because it aint my job to. It's his. Except he won't, because they never do, do they? They never tell it straight. They dress it up with 'I don't want things to get more complicated than they already are...' 'It's not you it's me...' 'I just need time to regroup, ya know? Just get my head together...' 'I'm not ready for a relationship...' blah blah blah...

Her beautiful face lights up when she talks about him. He fills her every thought. She has it all worked out - how they will fit together like a glove, it is meant to be, there is such chemistry, they like all the same things, the sex is fab, etc etc, except he isn't playing ball. The field maybe, but definitely not ball.

I'm harsher than I should be - my patience thin and sympathy waned for her inability to grasp the truth - and yet, who am I to judge? People in glass houses... Having spent 4 long embarrassing years chasing (and occasionally catching) my own HJNTIY - I should be far more understanding. I convinced myself that I should be with this boy - it was meant to be - in my head - but somehow I forgot to take his feelings into the equation. Or rather, lack of them as far as I was concerned. No matter how he cosied up to me, embraced me, oh yes - slept with me - and lead me on such a merry head fucking dance - the signs were clearer than day, I just chose not to see them. Maybe the time he slept with me and subsequently I had raging cystitis - yet he kissed a girl in front of me at a party a week later - should have been a giveaway. Or that fact we never had a single date. Or the fact he knew how I felt (I declared my love one drunken shameful Easter) and told me I was 'just a friend.'

But oh no - I kept on believing. Low self esteem was probably at the root of it. One friend's girlfriend told me 'he needs to be needed and you need to be rejected - it is insanely perfect for you both' - she wasn't wrong.

Anyhoo - I finally woke up and smelt really strong self-respect obtaining coffee. Met Husband and 9 years later am still a happy bunny. Thank god. So when I see my buddies go through similar shit I want to scream 'run away - fast!!!' But they aren't listening - just as I guess I never did.

Occasionally I'll ask Husband for a bit of boy advice. He always maintains the same mantra - that if a boy likes you - he calls. It is that simple. Boys that sleep with you, then date other girls, then sleep with you, then get closer, then go cold again - well, they're just not that into you...

What really gets me is that this guy acts like he is into her. He texts and flirts and humours and makes love to her - he acts like a couple and then... then he introduces her to the next girl he is dating. She hopes when he gets to know her fully that he'll change. She pulls out all the excuses she can find because her poor head is fried by this hot/cold in/out man who can't seem to make up his mind.

She needs to make it up for him. She needs to tell him to feck right off, throw on her glad rags and go paint some young hot thing red. So I try, as I don't want her delicate heart trampled on - I say all the above and she looks at me, betrayed. 'It doesn't make it any easier, you saying this' she scolds.

I feel bad. She's right. I shouldn't have to say He's just not that into you. That's the coward's job. I doubt he ever will.