Update

I can't tell you how much it meant to me to get such wonderful advice from all those lovely people who commented on my last post. They made me both smile and cry: I cried because there was such thought and genuine care behind every reply - kind of humbling and so comforting all at once; I smiled because you were all so right! Sometimes in the thick of the fog it is hard to see what is a very simple solution right in front of you.

After crying on my favourite VSB's shoulder on Friday (not a good look, all teary and snotty on some poor boy's shoulder as he tried to catalogue the DVDs...) I met a good friend for lunch on Saturday and she pretty much gave the same advice as the fabulous 8 (as they shall be known). So - a plan of action is required: I'm going to look for work - not necessarily in drama. It doesn't really matter to me - as long as it is part time and I get some damn company. Then I can write - because all this angst aint doing nothing for my book that is for sure... I'm going to cast my net very wide and not worry about how to pick up Sproglet, how to make everything work, until I get a job offer and then I can worry about it. I've been a producer, a film reviewer, a presenter, a script ed, a barmaid, a book seller, a reporter, a radio broadcaster - so I am sure somewhere I can find something related to one of these... I'm quite excited to find out where the dice will land.

I've made lots of arrangements to see folk this week - and I'm gonna get out and about with my laptop to do some writing. I'm gonna join the library. And get walking - through forests and greenery and just try and breathe and feel happy about it all. I'm going to cook and bake - and keep busy... trawling through my OLIVE magazines for fine recipes for me and Sproglet to chow down on) Keep making plans.

I'm not saying that the demons don't bite - this very morning the whole day stretched out before me to be filled and that old sad feeling rose again. There are some other reasons I reckon this melancholy gripped me - but I'll go into those another time. When I think of how the hell I'm gonna entertain Sproglet all week it frightens me - as does the thought of those other Mothers - but I'm going to plough on - a job has to be found.

Thing is, it aint so bad. I've been through worse. In fact I found an email I sent a friend in 2005 when i wanted to get out of presenting on rubbish quiz channels and I wanted to have a baby and I didn't know how the hell it was all going to pan out. But it did. I had the baby and then I changed careers. I've done 2 years on the biggest soap in the UK and no one can take that away from me. It may not be easy - but I love a challenge.

Fingers crossed. And thanks.... I owe you all.