Monday, 24 June 2013

Want to know how to reach the big 'O'? Yes, Yes, YES!

Odd question to start, but are you a w**ker?

I mean this quite literally. Chances are, you are but have never admitted it to anyone, because let's face it, talking about buttering one's muffin isn't really the done thing. Men of course happily boast about needing to polish their swords at any given opportunity and no one bats an eyelid. But just as a man who sleeps around is a stud, whereas a woman who does the same is seen as slut - the double standard exists when it comes to masturbation.

Let me go back - waaay back in fact, to my school days. During a game of truth or dare at a mate's house when we were all about 16, a close female friend admitted to enjoying some Downstairs DJing. Myself and several other girlfriends were stunned and admitted that we didn't do such a thing. (At the same gathering my male mates all described how they played some awful cookie game - where the last one to come on said cookie, had to eat it... Perhaps this was a myth. Even if it was a treble choc chip, that wasn't going to be a tasty treat). Looking back, I'm pretty sure that my girlfriends were lying. I, however, was not.

Although that year my first love was able to... how shall I put this, help me attain special heights (that sounds quite nice doesn't it? Like a room with a view), I had never been able to by my own devices. It was some time before I was versed in such skills. But at the time, worst of all, it wasn't like I was going to ASK anyone about how to... better oneself in that department. Simply: women don't wank.

But that is really IS a myth. So much so in fact, that app designer Tina Gong is in the process of creating 'Happy Playtime' - an app to facilitate female masturbation. According to Gong, 46.6% of women touch themselves less than once a month. Well, there is all that online shopping to do isn't there? How does one find the time? She also quotes that 20% of women masturbate to help them go to sleep! And there was me thinking the big O was more of an awakener, than something coma inducing...

Before I applaud Gong and her mission to make the M word something women openly discuss, I had a look at the app's main character: 'Happy - your friendly neighbourhood genitalia.' 'Love your vulva, because all she wants is to love you.'

Now all this vulva loving is well and good, but the problem is, Happy looks like a cross between a Russian doll, a baby and the last stuffed chicken in Tescos. Sexy, she aint.  There are also some patronising, basic instructions: 'This is the clitoris. Make a circular motion here. Oh my, I'm getting all hot and bothered.' Now if that really was true, millions of women would be walking around with massive grins on their faces, and we'd have agreed to another date with all the poor blokes who needed a map to even find where a lady's pearl resided.  So far, the app makes out that all we need to do is find our nubbin and begin rubbing as if we're giving the car windscreen a good clean.

But that doesn't take into consideration that for women, sex begins in the brain rather than down below - and you can bet your bottom dollar they aren't avoiding masturbation just because they can't find where to touch.

In a post 50 shades of grey world, women clearly have desires - and erotic imaginations to match - but what they lack is the courage to voice them. The courage to admit to liking some finger painting on their own...  The courage to break down all the age old taboos in saying 'I embrace my sexuality and if that involves masturbating, then so what? I stick two fingers up to anyone who criticises me for it.'

Whilst the Happy Playtime app doesn't excite me at all (for want of a better word) I do think Tina Gong has put her finger on a problem that needs addressing. Women should be able to talk about wanking and all it's joys. Females should be able to own their sexuality without being derided for it, or need to gratify someone else in order to have pleasure... So if a little pink chicken Russian doll thing starts that ball (or pearl) rolling, and opens new doors to discussions on this taboo-est of taboo subjects - then I welcome it, even if it if it is about as sexy as the word 'Vulva.'

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Really hope that you're ok after yesterday's post. Hope that the fact you took it down is a good sign and not a bad one. Thinking of you, Martha xxx