Sunday, 29 September 2013

Bare your Bush

Is the bush back? Recently I've been reading a LOT about Gwyneth Paltrow's pubic hair: I seem to remember somewhere around 2001 her saying a brazilian wax changed her life, but recently on the Ellen show she described her lady garden as 'rocking a 70s vibe.'  Meanwhile writer Caitlin Moran has come out and said that everyone should have a 'great big hairy muff' and be proud of it. 
Now, I've got say, there is nothing groovy about being in the local swimming baths and your son telling you "Mummy, you have a spider working it's way down your thigh" - when it aint a spider... However, there is also nothing good about the pressure to be bald as a coot down there... Isn't that some dreadful porn fetish; somewhat infantilising women? Who wants to look like the last plucked turkey in Tescos on Xmas eve? Now, I'm fair haired, not that hairy - but when I had my first brazilian in 2001  it was more painful than both my C sections put together. The woman used pouring wax which she then ripped off me in huge clumps, as searing pain shot across my groin. At the end she held up a pretty little hand mirror for me to inspect my lady - not so much garden - desert. Then came the joy of ingrowing hairs, (OUCH!) and - she forgot to mention this - peeing like a watering can. Pubic hair is supposed to act as a funnel, and without it - well, you can imagine. (Sorry Matt Evans, TMI??)
Getting waxed is so intimate and embarrassing I have to talk through the whole thing. There is no dignity in slipping into surgical style knickers and then having someone bend your knees and fiddle with parts of you that rarely see daylight. I tend to rest a magazine on my stomach and babble about the article I'm reading, trying not to focus on what's going on down there. It aint as bad as my friend R, (who goes to Cheryl Cole's waxer apparently). R has to rest on ALL FOURS as she gets waxed from behind! THE HORROR. Why go through all this? To please a man? What if you leave him and get with someone who loves the full package? I read a story recently where some poor woman tried sticking false eyelashes on down there, in her quest to appease her new boyfriend - having had the whole area lazered off forever. Surely to god there must be nothing less sexy than post coital, her man wandering around covered in fluttery black lashes?? 
All this razoring off (itchy as hell in the grow back stage) or depilatory creams (smell BAD) or lasering (still grows back apparently) or waxing (ohh that STINGS) - in the quest for a full muff/porn star/hollywood/vajazzle/landing strip etc etc is frankly WRONG. I'm all with being tidy ladies, but at what cost? Financially and also personally. Can't we just all have the nether regions that we want - without feeling there is a WAY we should be?
Creative agency Mother London has launched Project Bush, where they hope to trigger "a modern day feminist debate through the lens of a Brazilian." They are taking feminism by the short and curlys and inviting women in London to get their lady gardens photographed in a custom made private 'bush booth' (isn't that name AMAZING?) on Thursday 3rd October, at their offices. Photos will be taken by top female photographer Alisa Conan and will be shown in an exhibition at a later date. If you are interested lovely readers, then check out Mother London's website or book a 15 minute slot anytime during the day or evening of the 3 October by emailing As they explain, "We're not pro-bush or anti-bush. We're pro-choice." 
I totally support this idea - but am aware that whilst some will find the idea of anonymously showing off their bits somewhat erotic or hilarious, others might be horrified by it. But what I think is fab about this whole getting it on the table idea - is the range of women's triangles that they will surely see. So it doesn't matter if you are a jurassic park of bushes, or totally smooth, or all the shapes and colours in between (or even sport a merkin). What matters is, you are celebrating what is yours - and your choice. Isn't it about time it was cool to have whatever type of beaver you fancy? Now, what am I doing on Thursday??

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I've been growing out my bush for the last two months with total approval from my hubby. It's amazing what a difference it makes from a pure visual point of view. I'm hoping to keep it all winter before trimming it up (but not going bald) for the summer.