Monday, 6 August 2012

The day I stayed in.... Oh My!

So I followed the herd. Yes indeedy. It was a Saturday, a few weeks ago - nothin' special. A lazy day - well as lazy as the day can get with 2 kids. We promised Sproglet a new book - a treat for getting such a good report. He mentioned it once or twice. Or ten thousand times, until we jumped in the car and parked on a double yellow, in our haste to silence him. He picked 2 Where's Wally books (as our recent evening past time has been to search the fecker out for a good few hours... Him and the bloody wizard and girl Wally and all their cameras and keys and shit. My god Wally - why not just give up carrying all that unnecessary stuff and make my finding hours that bit easier???)

Sproglette decided it was present time for her too. She absolutely went batshit crazy when I tried to prise a cuddly Peppa pig from her little fists  - so I gave up, gave in and bought her the damn toy. It was then I decided that CM needed a little treat too and much to Husband's displeasure (You are SAD he proclaimed) I bought Fifty Shades of Grey and Fifty Shades Darker.... Well it was 'buy one, get the other half price).

I set the book to one side after having a cursory flick through. I actually didn't know that much about the book, apart from it gets mentioned everywhere I look/read and folk at work said it was badly written and very saucy.

This weekend, it rained as usual and as my Mother was staying, I had two minutes to myself. I stepped away from the endless Olympic coverage and immersed myself. I am ashamed to say that once I picked it up I simply couldn't put it down (in a very Riders/ any Jackie Collins book kind of way).

It is badly written. If I had to read one more freakin' time about the narrator biting her lip or how when she looked at Grey, she felt it you know down there, I was going to scream. Oh My. I also laughed like a drain when I read how she had a vaginal orgasm the first time she had penetrative sex - REALLY???? Come on. I can buy you being a 22 year old virgin who tempts a trillionaire, but an orgasm as you lose your virginity? Don't buy it for a minute. Think back. Did the earth move for you the first time you hit 5th base? Me neither. (Sorry Ben).

Thing is, the author EL James has apparently said she wrote it for fun, she isn't claiming to be a Bronte sister or the like. She is now laughing in 50 million ways of yay to the bank. I applaud her. No 1 she has got people reading again and no 2 - it is about time we all got a little less het up about sex. And bondage. And all that jazz. I actually think (and I am no dominatrix I assure you) that it isn't all that wild. It isn't like he fists her with a baseball glove while showering in her in the blood of 50 virgins by moonlight. It is just a bit of, what does he call it? Kinky fuckery. I love that phrase. I only wish my life involved me using it more.

So, is it memorable. Well no. Is it exciting? A bit. Is it repetitive? You bet. Oh my. But it is fun. Who wouldn't wanted to be trussed up and brought to earth-shattering orgasm several times in as many minutes by some charismatic charming sexy millionaire? If it is reminding women that we are sexual creatures underneath our motherhood masks and daily grind uniforms, then hurrah!

I'm on to Fifty Shades darker now and it is even more ridiculous. I won't spoil anything by saying that Mr Grey says one thing and does another (which is what women are meant to do, no?).  I will finish it hopefully this week - as soon as I can tear myself away.... from Where's Wally book 4 - Hollywood.

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