Thursday, 29 November 2012

So whatcha drinking?

Last week my good friend Gez swung by for a visit. In fact Gez - gawd bless her -  is the reason I'm able to bash away on this laptop and y'all can have a squizz. Because Gez set up this here blog for me. In fact she is gonna do some new groovy graphics for me - when I get round to reminding her and she has time and all that jazz. Technically I'm a little challenged. Ok, more than a little challenged - but one of these days my facebook (crummymummywhodrinks - go befriend me!) and my twitter and all will all link in here. Until then, I'm muddling along.

Anyway, she brought me the best gift I have had all year (apart from sleep). She brought vodka, lychee juice and a tin of lychees. Oh yes siree - all I needed to whizz myself up a little lychee martini - my fav drink of all. (It is at he top of this blog no less). If I was really pedantic I would have run on out to buy that lychee liquor that you need to give the extra kick - but I am a tired harassed mother who is on the verge of marital breakdown - so I have no time for such luxuries.

Talking of marital woes (for we are back in Feb '09 times, and we all remember how badly that went - if not take a peek here. Now Husband can do feck all DIY. He never thinks to wash a sheet, or towel, a floor or a bath - but he can fix some AMAZING drinks. His old fashioneds are to die for. I normally do feel like I have died the day after drinking 6 of them... Which got me thinking about your fav drinks - and if you only drink them when you're out in something strappy, flirting up a storm with the pre-pubscant barman only to realise 3rd drink in, that you could have actually birthed him. (Happened to me the other year - he called me a MILF - praise be to god, and I told him he looked like Rob Lowe - he replied 'who is Rob Lowe?' Unbelievable).

So I looked up some great old cocktail recipes to share with y'all - especially if you are having some festive fun this weather and egg nog just doesn't cut it. (Never did). Who needs to go out when it is -12, in some dinky dress and hot itchy coat, and heels that simply won't make it through the winter frost without them breaking, or them causing you to have a breakage. My tip - stay in now until spring, when going out again is actually bearable and doesn't involve wearing comedy headwear and 20 scarves.

So let's start with the drink I always asked for when I used to go on dates - as it isn't some namby pamby girlie sunrise malarkey - this screams 'I am ragingly cool, I can drink men under the table.' Mind you, I often ended up under the table and I never got asked for date no 2 - but who cares. This drink rocks: The Old Fashioned. If it is good enough for Don Draper eh?

As  mentioned above - you just cannot go wrong with a martini. If you like the taste of alcohol - then having a straight martini with a twist is uber brilliant - be be warned - two and you're smashed. Basically you put 1 1/2 oz vodka and 3/4 oz dry vermouth in a shaker filled 3/4 with ice. Shake for almost a minute - work off those calories! Then strain into a cocktail glass, garnish with an olive or a twist of lemon - and serve. Lethal. As an aside, there is this amazing little hotel in London called Dukes - where the loveliest bar manager in the world works. His name is Alessandro - and I kid ye not - he made me the best martinis of my life. They bring out a trolley with a frozen glass, then spray in the vermouth and do the whole jazz in front of you. It is pure theatre and utterly delicious. The last time I went I met a poet from Canadian and we are still friends to this day - it's that kind of place.

Anyway, back to drinking.

So if you like your martinis a tad more fruity - and fellas, there is no shame in that - then may I suggest CM's fav - the lychee martini.

Just don't forget that it is also potent. It tastes like you are drinking fruit juice, but more than 3 and you might not remember your name.

So now that we're getting fruity - can I suggest some more exotic drinks? The pickleback sounds... interesting.  When I lived in New Zealand many years ago, I learnt a LOT about drinking from by good friend Hans - affectionately known as Satan. He used to by me shooters for baracuding someone he pointed out (which is biting them on the ass...). Never one to pass up a free drink I duly did as I was told - until a massive famous Kiwi rugby player nearly punched me for sinking my gnashers into his tight butt. Hans was a legendary barman - and he taught me how to make all kinds of shots - usually something nasty with Baileys on top, and Shakers: shakers being a cocktail shaker filled with loads of shots of alcohol and couple of shots of fruit juice to make it palatable. They all had names like 'liquid XTC' and 'Illusion' and 'Dynamite.' Whilst we lived there my best friend woke up the day after drinking with Satan, in bed with a man and woman (fully clothed thank god), missing a shoe, with a black eye and a rose in her hair. True story. So I guess the moral is - the more exotic the drink - the more lethal the hangover.

So drink sensibly (it is never cool to be the drunkest person at the family Boxing Day party - which I was last year after, you've guessed it - Husband's fruity drinkable martinis!); have water and headache tablets by your bed and neck them before you fall into a stupor. Wear comfy shoes; when weeing in the street - make sure you don't do it behind a parked car (as the time I did, the car moved off mid wee) and if in doubt - have another.

Let the festivities begin!


rockygrace said...

Oh, man, my brother-in-law and my boss both make excellent Old Fashioneds. I limit myself to two drinks, because the two people I would LEAST like to get drunk in front of are (a) my brother-in-law (he's a church deacon), and (b) my boss. Ha.

Liz said...

I love a dry gin martini, made with Beefeater. That was my recently departed mom's drink. Also sidecars - very classic and yum.